The world of football was rocked earlier this week when a football player was seen kicking a ball about a football pitch.

Long time fan, Mr Seamus O'Malley from Ashford in Kent said he was shocked when on monday evening, after driving all the way up the M40 to see the football star shopping for light furnishings in the Selfridge's store in Manchester's Trafford Centre, he found the player was up the road kicking a ball about. "I've followed this lad since his early days performing in the West End Nightclubs. He needs to get back to what he does best, covering the aisles and sliding in that gold credit card." Mr O'Malley went on to say "I blame that poncey England Manager. He's been filling the lads' head with stories of winning football matches and competitions. Everybody knows that's not going to happen." Sven Goran Erikson was not approached for his reaction.

Manager Jock O'Gorbals responded by saying "I sent him off to get some drapes for the boardroom and he turns up on the pitch. What can ye do? You know, these referees. Och! By my watch Goofy's hand hadn't passed Mickey Mouse's elbow."